I have spoken to a lot of women and have heard complaints about how they can’t find a good man to date or only the ones they don’t want are the only ones interested in them. Even on Television sitcoms girls sit there frustrated that the boy they pine for doesn’t even know they exist. These same skills are the ones they use to try and get a life partner. These are amateurish methods that have been proven not to work. The best way to get someone to get comfortable enough with you so that they can ask you out is to talk to them. Have a conversation about any subject all. Be free and enjoy the conversation and be yourself. This helps the man you’re interested in to get to know you better. If he likes your qualities then he will ask you out unless he is a total wuss. I don’t know about you but I prefer my man to be confident and manly.
They become the chosen one
The first mistake I discovered is that women sit on the shelf waiting to be chosen like in the Victorian era. They just get so grateful to be chosen that they go with whoever asks them. They forget the cardinal rule that it is their responsibility to do the choosing according to what their preferences are in men. Do you like a confident and masculine type? Do you even have a type? Do you like characteristics like generosity, kindness, integrity and many others? I wanted a man who was open minded and adventurous. Have you thought about that? Just because a man has asked doesn’t mean you have to say yes. On that note if you happen to not like the characteristics he’s presenting to you, there’s no need to be cruel about it. Let him down gently but firmly that thank you but no thank you. Sometimes women crush the spirits of those who approach them unknowingly so that it becomes difficult for them to approach other women later on.
Men are attracted by sight so they will ask out any girl with a body shape they like. They would also sleep with you even though their opinion of you might be very low. I remember being asked out by lots of boys in my time. I didn’t agree to date any of them because I wasn’t interested. It was not my job to please them. When I met the right man I knew I liked his qualities because he was respectful and funny. He took his time to get to know me and he acted as if it would be a great honour to him if I said yes. He wasn’t pushy but he was ingenious and creative in trying to convince me he was right for me.
Forget their own values
The second mistake is that women get so excited a man has asked them to be his wife that they agree when they know deep down that it is a mistake. I remember someone telling me that they saw their boyfriend at the time treating their employee badly but they went along to marry him. It didn’t take time before he started treating her really badly too. Kindness is one of my values so I would observe when he was spending time with the elderly and children. If he is capable of being patient and kind to them then he would be the same with you. I remember once I was observing a man I was serious with and he was driving my sisters and I somewhere. We came across a street vendor selling something we didn’t need. We were chatting so he thought we were not paying attention. He told the boy that he didn’t want a traditional sweeping broom and when the boy’s face fell he then asked if he wanted a Fanta instead. The boy was delighted. I was so pleasantly surprised that I commented. Now if he had started abusing that boy and told him off that would have been it for me.
Men understand action more than words. If he treats you really badly and you stick around you’re really saying it is alright for you to treat me this way. So what are your values? If you don’t know then maybe it is time to find out? If you know them respect them and don’t break them for anyone. Even the man you’re with will respect you for that.
Settle- he’s a nice guy.
This is a very big one. Of all the mistakes that you can make, please don’t choose a man only because he is a nice guy. Two nice people don’t make a relationship. I have seen so many nice people miserable because the spark they need to take them through is missing. Yes he is a nice guy but he is not for you. You can only know this if you know who you are as a person, what characteristics you like, what excites you and what is a deal breaker. Life is too short to spend it with a person you tolerate. You want someone who tickles your heart space and make your love keep growing. You also want a person you’re sexually attracted to.
My experience has been that when a person is too afraid to open their heart they will settle for the next best thing. The adventure of really loving and connecting with someone is worth it even if it’s for a day. Love for another makes you grow and expand in ways that benefits not just that person you love but the whole world. You want to be better and do better.
Leave a comment or a question so I can help you in an adventure to create the ideal relationship for you.