Have you ever wondered? Why despite trying so hard you have been dating the wrong person over and over? They all initially start by being great and then soon after they just dissolve into this disappointing mistake you have once again made.
If you talk to those couples whose relationships have been successful they will all tell you that relationships take a lot of work. That is well and good if you know what this work entails, right? What is this work they talk about? Does this mean you are not doing the work? My answer to those questions is it is not your fault because nobody ever told you how. It doesn’t have to be the way it has always been. Things can get better, so I am here to help, for your relationship to work you need:
Have you ever asked yourself what your beliefs are about relationships? Do you even want to be in a relationship? If you believe you’re going to meet someone who gets you and wants to be with you then you will. If you believe that you’re going to meet a perfect man or woman then you will have a long way to wait because nobody is perfect, even you. Loving someone is accepting who they are and loving their quacks or learning to live with them. I held back to wait for the right man for me and it didn’t take me long to meet him. He found all those things I don’t appreciate about myself endearing, funny and sexy. He was not in any way perfect. He was human. Perfect people are only found in fairy tales.
Let me give you an example, I used to have a friend let’s call him Eddie, who believed that relationships are complicated, difficult and more work than their worth. He met a very nice girl who was good for him. He recognised how special this girl was but he still held on to the belief that things would never really quite work out. He had no faith in the relationship at all. He went on to sabotage the relationship so badly that they broke up and he ended up with someone who helped him to affirm his belief that relationships are difficult and complicated.
Using wrong role models
Our role models for love and relationships are our primary caregivers. They are our parents, aunts, sisters, aunts and so on. As generations progress, people are having the luxury to marry for love. This was not the case before. Relationships were acrimonious at best and so your parents probably didn’t love each other or they did initially but they didn’t know how to grow and tend to their love so it bloomed and flourished because nobody they knew had any knowledge how to do it. You need to find new relationship role models. Find those that have succeeded. Choose those that show what you see yourself enjoying which is fun, joy, caring and even romance.
My dad used to buy our mom flowers on Valentine’s Day and lingerie. As we grew older he started buying us gifts too. Even though he wasn’t creative enough to change his gifts over the years but he at least made an effort. If you don’t know any couple that is living the life you want then create a vision board with the things you would like to enjoy in your relationship. This can be very empowering and fun and also it is a clear communication to the Universe about what you want.
You do it alone
When you first fall in love you see everything with rose tinted glasses. You can explain away all the things you don’t like because you’re in the romantic stage. When you start to settle down and get serious stuff starts to come out. Some people just see it as something they have to live with in order to have a relationship. After all they grew up being told that men are difficult, unfaithful and lazy. Some women start to criticise as a way of training their men except this just causes more problems. Men don’t fall in line but instead they resent women and women just get frustrated.
We all know this; if you want to be good at something you need to learn the skills and then practice. We do this with our careers and even our hobbies. These days parents who want to get things right with their children go to parenting classes or read parenting books or both. The best way to create a happy and long lasting relationship is to get a book or learn from someone. I would suggest getting a relationship coach or a love coach. They can help you to figure things out and be clear about your desires so you can go back to living and enjoy your life. At least you will not be wasting time kissing frogs.
If you feel that you’re ready to have a relationship of your dreams, then get in touch and you will be amazed at how your love life can transform. Go ahead and leave a comment.