Do you go around feeling hard done by or angry because someone did something to you? Do you always feel defensive? Do you sometimes feel powerless even among your friends and would like to feel in control?
The opposite of victim according to a thesaurus , “could also be someone who is unharmed, uninjured, unscathed or unaffected by the event (whether a crime, an accident or a natural catastrophe). The catch-all term for such a person is ‘survivor'” I would say it is better to thrive than just to survive, don’t you agree?
When you’re thriving you are full of joy. You flourish and enjoy being alive. You can only thrive when you are the one in the driving seat of your life, right? When you’re in control you feel more confident and self aware.
Listen to your intuition
I’m sure you’re already asking, how do I achieve this level of empowerment? You start by listening to your intuition. As a woman I have heard my clients and other women saying there was something about him I wasn’t sure of but I thought I was being too picky or judgmental. That was your intuition telling you this person is not safe. Listen to your intuition. BTW, if you haven’t been using it, your intuition might be on the quiet side but if you start listening to it again, you will hear it more and more as it gets louder.
Oprah is always saying this statement, “If someone shows you who they are, believe them.” Don’t try to over analyse why someone is who they are. All you have to decide is do you want to be around a person like that. Rude, cruel, unfair, selfish or whatever characteristic you might come across.
On the other hand if another person shows you love and compassion, maybe that is who they are and they are not looking for anything from you. Just receive it and be grateful.
Start practicing self-love
Don’t allow other people to abuse you or leave their sh$t on you. When a person start to say things that make you feel yucky, just say please don’t finish that. I don’t need to hear it. It takes practice but you will get good at it. As a rule, I don’t read abusive text messages. I delete them the moment I notice that the message is going to make me feel yucky. It’s a way of taking care of myself. Please let me know what you do to love yourself? Telling others will make it more real for you as well.
Stand up for yourself
Do you know that feeling when someone says something and you have a great comeback? You feel strong and empowered, right? When someone tries to put you down and you say, I don’t agree with you treating me like that. I believe I deserve better. How would you feel afterwards? Instead of spending time and energy ruminating about what you should’ve said you will do a celebratory dance instead and feel good about yourself.
It is not about being cruel or vindictive but to just say no. Talking about no, learn to say that word when you need to. It is another way of standing up for yourself. When you’re too tired to do that extra thing for your friend just say, I am not in a position to do that right now. Let me know what happens but more importantly how you feel. I know some of you will say, but Melody, I don’t know how to do this. If you don’t know how, you learn. Like everything else standing up for yourself is a skill you can learn and grow over time. The more you do it, the better you get.
There you have it. If you’re tired of being a victim the only way to stop it is listen to your intuition, practice self-love and stand up for yourself.
If you want to start learning any of the skills discussed in this article, just go ahead and send me an email or if you’d like to find out more about how I can help you, you can take my free relationship quiz here or join our Community here where we continue and go deeper with similar conversations.