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When mom and dad fight …..

In Africa we have a saying, “When elephants fight, it is the grass that suffers”. Strangely enough most parents are not aware of the impact their conflict has on their children. They believe if they close the door and the kids don’t hear screaming then everything is okay, and the kids are blissfully unaware. Everyone is able to sense energy whether it is good or bad. Children are particularly sensitive because that is the only way they can sense whether they are safe or not. This is the same with citizens of a nation. We feel threatened and anxious when the “parents” are more interested in their own benefits than of everyone else.

In Ireland when COVID 19 pandemic hit we didn’t have a government. We had just had an election and parties were still negotiating ways of creating coalitions to form a government. We needed a strong and decisive leadership and they stepped up. They put away their political differences and focused on making the damage caused by the pandemic as minimal as possible. This helped to make people feel safer I believe. This shows politicians for once were focused on the vision of the future instead of memories of the past.

In other countries this has not been the case. People and citizens are the grass that is trembled on. They are paying the price of what is going on and not the leaders. Great leadership must be focused on the future while learning from the past. This is the case with all relationships. If you want to make progress it is imperative to learn from what has been done before and leave the bad and take the good forward with you. If you can’t do this then maybe you should let others step in.

One of the reasons I decided to change the trajectory of my marriage heading for divorce was I started to think of what the tension was doing to our daughter. She would jump out of her cot in fear. I noticed this happened especially when we were tense and angry towards each other. Something had to change. In my case I asked myself questions like what does it mean to love my husband? What am I meant to do? How do others have happy relationships? How do I make sure my child doesn’t have nightmares caused by my behaviour?

Fear has never been conducive for human development. It stops you from thinking and impacts flow of creative problem solving. When I was afraid of what would happen or what people would say I was spiralling in my head. The moment I decided to take a pause and connect with myself, solutions started coming my way. I got books to read that helped me and people to talk to. I also started seeing my husband like a person who was also in pain.

It takes courage to get beyond your ego and create a great future. Dr. Joe Dispenza asks, “What would love do? How would strength love?” When we talk about strength it is when two people who don’t always see the world the same way agree to work together to create something greater and bigger than them. That is created by daily choices and actions that want to be better. It doesn’t require perfection but rather a willingness to be better. Understand your impact. Know who you are and remember what you do and say has ripples that impact people you have never met.

That is how my husband and I saved our marriage. We decided our marriage was worth working on and saving. Now I ask, is our world worth saving? What choices would you make to make sure we thrive? Opting to live with people who think like you and act like you will not make you grow. You grow and thrive when you venture out to discover other ways of seeing the world and incorporating them into your own life. It is differences that make us stronger and not similarities. How boring is it when everyone just agrees on everything? How much expansion do you need when you interact with people who think wider, deeper and differently from you? As an immigrant, living in Ireland has helped me see how similar we are as people and how different we are as well. I have incorporated some of the things I picked up since I arrived more than 20 years ago.

I am not a politician, but I understand relationships. All relationships matter and they are worth saving and working on. When you put your ego aside you will find that as humans, we all want the same thing, to be loved, to be seen and to be heard. Don’t wait for the other to make the first step, instead let it start with you willing to listen and hear the other. That is true strength.

If you want to start learning about how to use lessons from the past to create a better vision of your future go ahead and take this free relationship quiz here or join our Community here where we continue and go deeper with similar conversations. I love hearing from you, please leave a comment.

Image by Barbara Fraatz from Pixabay

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